“Whats done is done. We’ve gotta own our actions, but, putting ourselves on trial, acting as our own judge, jury, and executioner, is not the answer. Because a lot of the time, all that judging does, is just ensure that we’re gonna repeat the cycle.” Group Leader – Breaking Bad, Season 4, Episode 7, played by Jere Burns.

We are often our own worst enemy, as well as our enemies worst enemy when it comes to harboring shame and guilt, embarrassment and fear. And to top it all off, we commit to a lifelong relationship with our loving families and their elephants’ memory. Explore the platform we’ve built relationships on, the age old saying that ‘blood is thicker than water’, and add a sappy Disney quote about how family never leaves one another, and you’ve got a concoction for disaster. We watch in disbelief, today’s addicted population, suicide rates and terrorist attacks becoming a daily event on the rise, yet, we’ve clearly set ourselves up for failure. If problem solving skills were the focal point of education; if acceptance and love, were the  intention of self awareness, we would see the issues for what they are, and make the changes necessary for growth.

Unfortunately, we are surrounded by a society that wants to find blame. BeCAUSE of this, that other thing happened. BeCAUSE of you, I didn’t get what I wanted or deserved. What person, or group of people that we have in our lives today would we allow to rub our noses in our mistakes day in and day out and stay in that relationship? Exactly. None. Because that is called abuse. Whether they mean to “help with persuasion” or give us “tough love”, it is still an act of abuse. An unkind, painful, and pointless act, which keeps us digging the rut deeper and deeper. It serves no purpose to abuse others, whether we be the victim or the culprit. After all, an eye for an eye STILL leaves the whole world blind.

As unpleasing as it may be, we cannot battle wrongdoings with shame. Blame may be necessary for recognition of a change needed, but shame is toxic and unmotivating to the person or persons who have committed the crime. The only thing that shame does is ensure that they will do it, or worse, again. Because why wouldn’t they? Shame hovers like a vulture, it casts a shadow on the culprit, allowing them and anyone else around to be reminded day in and day out of what lies ahead due to decisions made. No wonder a group of vultures is called a wake. They bring death to the culprits self worth, never allowing the healthy growth needed to lift the dark shadow and step into the light. However, by encouraging others how to see the beauty in the hurdles we face, by supporting one another when a mistake is made, whether intentional or not, a culprit can change.

Einstein had a perspective of energy that was far beyond his years in understanding. He said “energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another”. I’ve always believed that reformation rather than corporal punishment was the way to change the evil deed doer. I know from personal experience that it was nothing short of unconditional love that transformed me from an angry, shameful, violent individual to the peaceful, loving, accepting and forgiving individual I am today. Without the unconditional love, myself or someone else would be dead. And I didn’t grow up in a place full of butterflies and rainbows. I remember them, but they were what kept me hopeful in my darkest sadness and deepest pain. And they are still out there, randomly making appearances to remind us that there is a possibility after the rain, all that has to happen is an addition of light.

Up until now, we have noticed our flaws, others flaws and cast a shadow over it to remind us where it was.

From now on, we will focus on the new possibility, even after something unpleasant happens, because there is always a chance for change and a rainbow.