I just finished watching the movie Spotlight. For those of you that don’t know, it was a movie about the Boston investigative reporters that uncovered the scandal happening with the Catholic Church. The entire movie gave me chills, but the very end, where the lists of places that had similar scandals uncovered really shook me to my core. Is that what we have become? Any organization that begins with good intentions to bring people together and give people a place to call home, should be a safe haven. Not a place for organized chaos. At what point do we stop labeling outsiders and forming into groups that separate us as a whole and recognize that we as a people all have a common link? One that should not be taken advantage of, but accepted with love and respected to care for one another. At what point do we embrace the oneness and disregard the things that bring us (our ego) pride, and take responsibility as a whole?

It’s hard to decide who is the wrong “one” in these scenarios. Is it the priest that did the molesting? Or the person that molested the priest causing them to believe pedophila is acceptable? Is it the legal system that failed us or the archdiocese organization as a whole? Is it the parents that denied their child’s rights to be “wronged” for the sake of the church’s reputation or their own? The blame can be shifted and passed down and refocused in so many ways. Similar to that of those in the Islamic faith that believe in sharia law, or Christianity and the groups of them that practice segregation of the LGBT community. Any and all of these groups along with their individuals can take part in the blame of the wrongdoing. Regardless of who is “the most” to blame, at the end of the day, where does that get us? Someone should be held accountable, yes. Sometimes more than one person should be. However, it isn’t the blame of the individual or the whole, that will change the chaos to structure. It’s the reprogramming of the structure to begin with.

According to the stories, when Jesus came to the time in his life where he was meant to walk a certain path, he didn’t just go around pointing the finger and telling others what to do. He did point the finger. He let others know when they were wrong. He did tell them what to do. But he also made sure to live in a way that was modelling the appropriate behavior for his disciples and followers. As a Jew, he let the Jews know that they were not practicing what was meant for the Jewish faith. They were practicing certain traditions and certain learned behaviors, called a religion, but not practicing what was most important. He told them they were not practicing what God would want, but what their fathers would want. He told them that if they were children of God, they would love him as God had sent him. Even after Abraham, Moses,  Joshua and Joseph came and laid their mark on the people from what they heard of God’s voice, Jesus still had to come to do more work. Because times change. And we must be willing to look at our structures and see what works, what doesn’t and what simply no longer applies. If we try to keep making something that isn’t working work by blaming a part and not looking at the whole, we will continue to produce the same kinds of issues, problems and difficulties. The chaotic cycle will continue. All we are doing is relocating the priest, not addressing the institution that would rather not address this issue.

There is such a larger hope in the world today. Despite all of the chaos that is still going on. Many of us feel this spiritual pull, not against our origins, but closer to the message and not necessarily the particular messenger. I will be the first to admit that I was raised mostly without a religion, but I personally fell in love with Jesus. But I am sure I could get similar results if I pray to Buddha, Allah, Teddy Roosevelt, or any other positive influence who’s message is about LOVE above all, rather than the rules and regulations they like to fill in the rest of the book with. We can honestly all look toward the God of our understanding and be loving of people who understand a God differently. It’s the laws and structure that we need to let go of. Not the underlying love. The blame can be placed when necessary, but basking in the blame and focusing on specifically righting the wrongs in opposition is not always an effective method. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best, “and since we know that the system will not change the rules, we are going to have to change the system.” Turning white into black or black into white, Christian into Muslim or gay into straight is not a method that will serve us best. Devoiding ourselves of these labels which separate us so intently is the path that will see us through to a structure that can make us whole. We have the chance to make a difference, by throwing it all in the pot, the melting pot, and letting it all simmer together until it becomes one.

Up until now, I sometimes identified with a group of religion, skin color or political view which separated me from my brothers and sisters. This swept anger, hatred and pain under the rug and allowed chaos to enforce the rules.

From now on, I will embrace the whole. I am my brother, and he is me, we are one in the same. I will not look down on others because of their status in the world. I will love each individual as if I were loving myself. Because when I do this it opens me to receiving love from them as well. And God only knows I have my differences. But we all need love. Me and my brother as one.

When a friend comes to you for advice, or is struggling to make a decision, which of these roles do you play for them? Are you a lifter? Do you tell them that they are brilliant and that nothing can stop them from accomplishing their dreams? Are you a leveler? Do you accept where they are and compare it into your own understanding and claim that what you believe validates or negates their own experience? Are you a lowerer? Do you tell them that what they are thinking or feeling is irrational and try to persuade them into changing their own mindset?

If your goal in a friendship or relationship is to give depth to the connection, then you better choose lifter or leveler. Especially if you value the relationship and hope to maintain it for a long time. As addressed in a previous post, anyone that is negative for you, may have to go. That is, if you, yourself, do not feel capable of bringing them forward. Relationships, while temporary, as is everything else we engage in this life, are something that we pride ourselves on maintaining. Yet, sometimes we are not doing very good maintenance for the seed to grow. We plant the seed and water it twice, and then we expect it to grow out of far away thoughts of growth. Without the proper care, sunlight, watering schedule or nutrients, we expect the impossible to happen. This is similar to what happens when we intend to chase our dreams and don’t show up to water them.

Take this blog, for example. I have been told time after time that I am a beautiful writer and I should embrace that skill. I write out lovely inspiring text messages to friends because I can empathize with their position and either lift or level them. When I notice I lower someone by being in the negative, I try to make amends for that and address my wrongdoings. Because I for one, do not want someone walking around with a chip on their shoulder, especially a chip caused by me. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It happens more than I would like to admit. However, when I recognize my wrongs, I quickly take action, take responsibility and apologize for my part. I have been spit on, I have been cursed at and I have been discouraged by the other party not doing the same for me. I have apologized and then had to swallow my pride when the other party didn’t see their own flaws or apologize for their part. I have even apologized and had what I just apologized for rubbed in my face to reiterate that I was wrong. Very wrong. And to verify the apology I had just given was deserved by the other party. But do you know what that makes me? A leveler. And a lifter. NEVER a lowerer. Not intentionally anyway.

My point here is that we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. It is what makes us human and connected, after all. Apologies may come with a similar tone. They may come with a slap to the face, or worse; your pride. But apologies take away the pain we put out into the world. Whether we are attempting to reconnect with someone or not, an apology is a simple way to take some of the hurt off of them. Then, and only then, are they left with the pain of the hurt they placed on themselves. The horrible person you are- just softened your image in their mind. The demon they thought they were fighting- just backed down. The wall that they were up against, isn’t yours anymore. Its theirs. And sometimes they will stand behind that wall long before you’ll ever hear your own apology, if ever. They use that wall for protection or persuasion from themselves and the truth. It takes two to tango or fight, or battle and we are all human and we all makes mistakes. What do we really learn from doing something perfect or easily over and over? Nothing. We learn nothing. Its the challenge of the battle which makes us strong soldiers. Its the evolution of mankind as we learn how to make things faster, then learn growth hormones cause disease. It’s being the first neanderthal to strike the flint and make fire, then learning it draws near the dinosaurs. We do things to progress ourselves and sometimes in doing that, we harm one another. Taking responsibility is the key. Lifting and leveling your friends and relationships is the lock. If we can do these things together, we can unlock the future of a better mankind and connection. So ask yourself this, are you a lifter, a leveler, or a lowerer? And despite who you are, right now… who do you want to be tomorrow? Because there is always room for an apology and change. If you’re willing.

Up until now, I have not always been the best in my relationships. I have put people down, including myself and caused grief and pain where I was trying to plant a seed of connection.

From now on, I will maintain my garden. I will take responsibility for the things I set forth to do. I will help growth by being present and accountable. I will show up. And if I make a mistake, I will say that I am sorry with honest intention and acceptance that this is part of my growth. I will forgive myself and others. And I will move forward, despite any odds, so that I can live in a brighter tomorrow. If I must leave people behind because of their own disposition, I will accept that. While I will leave no mess unclean by me, I will not stick around to be lowered either. I will clean up after myself and promote love and encouragement. I will be a lifter, and I will level when necessary. I will be a better me today than I was yesterday. And I will appreciate the lessons I learned from all the yesterdays before.

What is the meaning of Family?

Websters Dictionary has 8 definitions for family. Wikipedia, has 20 content markers referring to family, with 30 sub-content markers. Www.etymonline.com- the online facts of origin dictionary expresses a few different paths of origin for the word and its indications. The one thing they all have in common? Every one of them has a reference to family being a group owned and lead by one head. Etymonline relates the origin to be directly of servants, or slaves. Is this what we are when we call ourselves a family? Is this why the human race family has such an issue maintaining a bond which can be beneficial for all? Because everyone wants to be the chief and no one wants to be the indians? Is the battle really one we can win, when someone is always striving for the top?

Realistically, we are all under some authority, whether it be our boss, our spouse, our children, or our government, we all have someone else to answer to. EVERYONE has someone they must answer to. Even the guy with the most money at the top of the Forbes list must be held accountable for his actions when under the scrutiny of the entire population. Even the homeless man on the corner must answer to mother nature when she declares her war on him living out doors with a blizzard. We all have someone we must answer to. Yet, most of us are so unaccountable and unreliable to the things that go on around us, simply out of ignorance. While I don’t expect everyone to learn everything and become efficient in all things rather than an expert in one thing and proficient in others, it does clearly mark how valuable one person is in comparison to another. This behavior leaves lines open for judgement, labels and values beyond our acceptance and appreciation. It also leaves that guy on the street that must suffer year round in order to “not answer to the man”. Why are we all so up in arms about how we compare to others anyway? Because someone makes more than you or can perform surgery and you cannot, does not make you less valuable in the grand scheme of things. We can all look down on sanitation workers and say that its an awful job, that only deserves so much pay, but the fact is, if it weren’t for them, we would be wallowing in our own filth.

What we can do as a family, is discontinue the image of slavery to one another and embrace the kindness and ability of others for their hard work and dedication to serving their purpose, whatever it may be. If we could mainstream the economy and everyone could work at something they could do in order to trade for something they cannot, we could develop a world where everyone is expected to step up and do their part. If they choose to do nothing, they get nothing in return. Not a government who hands out money they take from one person to another who is just unable to work, but one that recognizes those that are in need by their willingness to do even a small amount of work to their ability in order to trade. My brother was born with many disabilities which at the time was called “profoundly retarded.” He couldn’t walk, talk, see or have normal thoughts like the majority of us. He could however, make people laugh. He gave out a sense of purpose for others and was an inspiration for people to have hope in their lives, despite the odds. He taught us that you’re lovable even when you have cheerios stuck to your face and that if 3 a.m. was the time you felt like singing, to go ahead and sing. He had a lot of gifts to give to us, and we were all willing to work a little harder as a group in order to care for him. If he were alive today, I would trade my abilities in excess for trades that would benefit him. I would go above and beyond in order to help the ones who needed me and give to those less fortunate on my own. I wouldn’t need the government to convince me that he deserved it or he was unable to trade for himself. And I am pretty sure the neighbors, friends and dare I say family, would have gladly traded for him as well. No need to regulate, no need to mandate. Just out of love, just out of kindness, just out of understanding. I am pretty sure that if the powers that be left us on our own to figure it out for awhile, we would have a few Ceasar’s and Hitler’s to deal with. But for the most part, I believe like the Native Americans, that we could find a manner in which to care for one another. We could find it in our hearts to tolerate and handle the sick and the elderly. We could make this work a lot better if we were willing to decide for ourselves and be accountable to one another. If it was unacceptable to not be accountable, rather than punished and shamed through the judicial system. It may be rocky at first, but eventually, we would all figure out that we are all slaves to one another. But only if we want to be. And only if that’s the name and continued meaning we give it.

Up until now, I was a slave. I did what I had to in order to earn means to acquire what I wanted and needed. I judged myself through economic views of society and others. I judged others through similar views.

From now on, I will no longer consider myself to be a slave. I will do what it takes in order for me to gain the acceptance and appreciation of those that surround me. I will do this because I want to be a part of the whole. I want to contribute to the betterment of mankind. I want to do what I can with my abilities to the best of my effort in order to bring value to my work. Not for pay, for rules or for regulations, but because I insist on serving those that serve me. I want to make a difference and show initiative. I want to motivate others. I want to empower them to be all that they can be by showing them the way. I want to start a revolution. A revolution of love.

As shocking as it may sound to most of you, I refuse to celebrate Valentine’s Day. While I know this may seem odd to everyone, as my #1 intention is to promote and encourage love; I strongly believe Valentine’s Day does the exact opposite for the majority. The last Valentine’s Day I remember celebrating was when I was 16. My boyfriend then and I, fell victim to the day where hallmark tries to come out the the red by persuading us all to purchase keepsakes, chocolates, and cards filled with poetry written by someone else. We found ourselves competing with our friends around us and what gifts they purchased and gave, as well as their ongoing self competition with gifts from the years before. Gifts which are all temporary and insignificant come the next year around, as well as the feelings from the temporary increase in dopamine, are all things that are usually superseded by another memory of love or joy from another day of the year which is not on a significant holiday the government recognizes. Honestly, how many of us really have one of our core memories or significant happy moments that we will NEVER forget landing on this holiday? There are a few, but for most, I guarantee they’ve had at least one year where they’ve been alone and faced the “love holiday” with grief. That is the year that will stick out for them, if any.

I’ve  watched over the years, as friends without significant others became saddened and lonely, even though one day before, they were just as content being single. Or at least they didn’t have their noses rubbed in their singlehood. I realized that this day does nothing more than cause people to judge themselves and others by material gifts and relationship status. It actually makes me sick and so I’ve sobered up since then and promote vetoing this one holiday in particular. Why celebrate a day where our true authentic self is backed up against a wall, forced into recognizing our current love position and to bask it in flowers and chocolates? Valentine’s day is nothing more than a consumer holiday carried along by the Catholic religion who, like it or not, has had plenty of experience with ill natured traditions that are often celebrated beyond their time. Meanwhile, we may not feel very loving that day, or maybe we do, but we also feel threatened by the amount that we use to show it with. And on top of that, our good friends in the single pool, are sulking and being saddened by their label which we did not give them, nor did we try to highlight by simply giving into the forced buying frenzy.

Valentine’s day is supposed to be a day of celebrating Love. At least that is what it was meant to grow into despite it’s haphazard history. However, a forced day of Love, defined by consumerism, hardly seems like the love we want to establish here. I believe that, before love, we all need to be more celebratory of authenticity. Authenticity is the thing that stretches deep into our being, our real, true and pure self. It uncovers all of our ugly, dark truths and exposes all of our hatred, fears and gaping wounds. Without authenticity, love and acceptance are just words and a mere façade. We cannot love or accept ourselves if we aren’t willing to love and accept the broken parts too. Even the parts that are single on the LOVE holiday. To be authentic, one must first learn about accepting themselves for who they are and where they’ve been. After, they must then be able to appreciate and respect that they are no longer labeled by whatever they accept, but by the choices they make to being that or something different. Once we can look in the mirror and say to ourselves, THIS or THAT is who I was yesterday, but I no longer wish to be, so I will change that for today, we cannot truly love ourselves. Just because we, or society, gives us a label, it doesn’t make it true until death do us part. Any label we seek, any goal we set our mind to, can be our own, but only with the ability to set forth and be authentic while working toward manifesting them. Traditions are simply something we hand down from generation to generation, not necessarily of any authority. Let us change the consumer holiday and the belief that we are only something if we are “someone” to another person.

Up until now, I have practiced what my upbringing, society, and labels have taught me to be true. I have given into the consumerism of holidays and tradition of unkindness, lest a person be truly significant to me.

From now on, I will promote loving oneself and others through authentically chasing my dreams and encouraging others to chase their own, while putting in the work to accomplish the end goal. I will only practice what I believe to be true, I will question myself and others when it comes to labeling and make sure that I am giving everyone a fair opportunity for growth and self awareness for love.

What is the difference between a student and a teacher? A student, when willing, is an open vessel. Ready to embrace the things given to them, a student will take part in learning. Learning is not only accepting information, but also applying it in a way that will demonstrate that the information is true. If, this said student, cannot apply the information through trial and error, they will dismiss this information as false, or unnecessary. A student needs to experience to fully learn. A teacher, on the other hand, is the supplier. Teachers should have experience in the information they present to be true and believe it to be useful and measurable. Why then, are there teachers still being questioned by the students, about which they are unable to answer? Wouldn’t that mean that teachers are, in essence, still students as well? Let’s dig deep into why there is no difference between a student and a teacher, but only a group of students at different levels experiencing alongside one another that which they can find to be useful and measurable at the moment.

At 13 years old, Breanna walks into a class and is told to sit down and take out her workbook. The class, Math. The “teacher”, Mrs. K. Mrs. K goes on to demonstrate how while we don’t know exact probabilities in some cases, we can estimate them based on past history of events. Breanna thinks, well that leaves no room for change. Change is something Breanna is familiar with. When her mother and father fought everyday and then suddenly filed for divorce, the probability of them going on to fight another day was irrelevant. It had worked the same way, day in and day out for years, but based on experience, they stayed and found new battles for the upcoming days. In recent years, she hears that the probability of divorce is 50%. This is measured on the amount of reported divorces with variables like how old they were when they got married, how quickly they had children, whether they lived together before marriage or not. None of it was based on how frequently they yelled at one another. When Breanna’s parents both remarried and fought equally or similar with their new spouses, to the way they fought with one another, Breanna recognized the impending doom of the marriages and accepted right away that they would fail. But they didn’t. They stayed together. Despite the probability stating that second marriages are MORE likely to fail. So Breanna takes into account that people can change depending on willpower. She knew both parents were proud as well as stubborn so she recognized that their self preservation may be because of a resistance to look “unworthy” or “unlovable” to the other, therefore, tolerating the new battle rather than a flaw in their image. Where was the measurement for the probability in those qualities affecting the outcome?

Breanna spoke up and questioned her instructor. “If we all have calculators and can do fundamental math on them, why are we still being taught how to equate them mentally by hand?” Mrs. K said that the basis of all math is fundamental math and without learning it, one would not be able to apply the concepts of higher levels of math. Breanna did not agree. So she asked as many people as she possibly could the same question until she found an answer online (not the old school encyclopedias we used in previous years, thank you technology) which satisfied her. Dr. Math from the Drexel’s Math Forum, explained that “math is not really about learning probabilities, or fractions, or the use of algebraic equations. It is about learning ‘the art of problem reduction’.” Seeing an issue in front of you, which may be absolutely difficult and challenging, being able to disregard the solution and focus on breaking the problem down, is the essence of what is being taught through mathematical demonstration. Until the problem gets smaller, and smaller, and you’ve been able to find a solution which makes sense, the problem is still a problem. Learning problem solving skills is essential in life. Unfortunately because this concept is not being taught in math classes, or even known by math teachers, the concept is being negated. Fortunately for Breanna’s teacher, another teacher taught her how to research when you are unsure of something, so the next day Breanna was able to share with her adult student that math, in fact, was about learning problem reduction and solving skills, for all problems, not just the ones with numbers and figures.

What we have learned here with Breanna, is that the probability of an outcome is not always fixed dependent upon history if you factor in willpower. And that those who think they know all the answers, sometimes don’t. The probability  of adding a negative to a negative and equaling a negative is fixed, but subtracting a negative from a negative can equal a positive, and always equals less negative. You can just as easily add a positive to a negative, and end up with a positive if the positive is great enough.

Why don’t we recognize and do this in the world? In everyday life? In the way we treat our neighbors and friends, and enemies for that matter? Why don’t we value the proven probability of a negative and a negative equaling a negative? How many mathematicians and scientists need to prove theories for our governments and society to figure it out? How many people does it take for this to change to begin? Well, lets see… there are 7.4 billion people in the world today. Even if all 7.4 people are negative, 7.4-1=7,399,999,999, which is less than 7.4. It starts with just one. It can start with you.

Up until now, I have focused on the negative aspects of things happening around me and in me. I have highlighted their subtracting factors with my own.

From now on, I will focus on the positive. I will be positive in negative situations. I will be encouraging even when times are tough. I will be a small portion of what needs to happen, but without me, it will not, so I will stay positive. I will look toward the light and force myself to find the silver linings.

“Whats done is done. We’ve gotta own our actions, but, putting ourselves on trial, acting as our own judge, jury, and executioner, is not the answer. Because a lot of the time, all that judging does, is just ensure that we’re gonna repeat the cycle.” Group Leader – Breaking Bad, Season 4, Episode 7, played by Jere Burns.

We are often our own worst enemy, as well as our enemies worst enemy when it comes to harboring shame and guilt, embarrassment and fear. And to top it all off, we commit to a lifelong relationship with our loving families and their elephants’ memory. Explore the platform we’ve built relationships on, the age old saying that ‘blood is thicker than water’, and add a sappy Disney quote about how family never leaves one another, and you’ve got a concoction for disaster. We watch in disbelief, today’s addicted population, suicide rates and terrorist attacks becoming a daily event on the rise, yet, we’ve clearly set ourselves up for failure. If problem solving skills were the focal point of education; if acceptance and love, were the  intention of self awareness, we would see the issues for what they are, and make the changes necessary for growth.

Unfortunately, we are surrounded by a society that wants to find blame. BeCAUSE of this, that other thing happened. BeCAUSE of you, I didn’t get what I wanted or deserved. What person, or group of people that we have in our lives today would we allow to rub our noses in our mistakes day in and day out and stay in that relationship? Exactly. None. Because that is called abuse. Whether they mean to “help with persuasion” or give us “tough love”, it is still an act of abuse. An unkind, painful, and pointless act, which keeps us digging the rut deeper and deeper. It serves no purpose to abuse others, whether we be the victim or the culprit. After all, an eye for an eye STILL leaves the whole world blind.

As unpleasing as it may be, we cannot battle wrongdoings with shame. Blame may be necessary for recognition of a change needed, but shame is toxic and unmotivating to the person or persons who have committed the crime. The only thing that shame does is ensure that they will do it, or worse, again. Because why wouldn’t they? Shame hovers like a vulture, it casts a shadow on the culprit, allowing them and anyone else around to be reminded day in and day out of what lies ahead due to decisions made. No wonder a group of vultures is called a wake. They bring death to the culprits self worth, never allowing the healthy growth needed to lift the dark shadow and step into the light. However, by encouraging others how to see the beauty in the hurdles we face, by supporting one another when a mistake is made, whether intentional or not, a culprit can change.

Einstein had a perspective of energy that was far beyond his years in understanding. He said “energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another”. I’ve always believed that reformation rather than corporal punishment was the way to change the evil deed doer. I know from personal experience that it was nothing short of unconditional love that transformed me from an angry, shameful, violent individual to the peaceful, loving, accepting and forgiving individual I am today. Without the unconditional love, myself or someone else would be dead. And I didn’t grow up in a place full of butterflies and rainbows. I remember them, but they were what kept me hopeful in my darkest sadness and deepest pain. And they are still out there, randomly making appearances to remind us that there is a possibility after the rain, all that has to happen is an addition of light.

Up until now, we have noticed our flaws, others flaws and cast a shadow over it to remind us where it was.

From now on, we will focus on the new possibility, even after something unpleasant happens, because there is always a chance for change and a rainbow.